Singles will let AI coach their dating lives, but most draw the line at letting it flirt

By Celeste Varga

WASHINGTON — Singles have found a use for chatbots in their love lives, as a coach. They draw the line at letting one do the flirting.

That is the main finding on artificial intelligence in Match’s new Spark Study, an October report based on an online survey of 3,007 single adults in the United Kingdom, conducted by Strand Partners from Aug. 28 to Sept. 1. The survey was conducted in Britain. Match, the U.S.-based dating company, also runs an annual American study.

Thirty-nine percent of the singles surveyed said they had used an AI tool, such as ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini or features built into other apps, for something in their dating life. Use falls steeply with age: 66% of Gen Z respondents, defined as ages 18 to 29, said they had, compared with 53% of millennials, 27% of Gen X and 7% of baby boomers. City dwellers (47%) were far more likely than rural singles (27%).

Coach yes, impostor no

The uses are mostly modest. About one in 10 singles said they had used AI to get advice about someone they were talking to (11%), plan date ideas (11%), practice what to say (10%) or build confidence before a date (10%), according to the report.

Acceptance depends on whether the machine stays behind the scenes. The most widely accepted use was checking that a match is who they say they are: 49% called that acceptable and 21% did not. Respondents were split on using AI as a sounding board, at 35% acceptable and 31% unacceptable.

Anything that changes what the other person sees was rejected. Sixty-two percent said altering profile photos with AI was unacceptable, 66% said the same of letting AI hold entire conversations, and 59% objected to using an AI companion in place of dating real people.

“People are open to AI acting as a ‘relationship coach’ who can support and advise them, but not as a replacement in the dating experience,” Veronica Lamarche, a senior lecturer at the University of Essex, said in the report.

The ghostwriter problem

Nine percent of singles said they had used AI to write or polish messages to someone they were talking to, rising to 15% among Gen Z. Most would not want it done to them. If they learned a match’s messages had been written by AI, 35% said they would feel deceived and end things, and 29% would be uneasy but hear the person out. Only 16% would be relaxed about it, and 4% said they would be impressed.

Women (40%) were more likely than men (29%) to say it would end things. Gen Z respondents were the least bothered, with 28% saying it would end things and 23% saying they would be relaxed.

One idea some apps are exploring, letting two people’s AI assistants talk to each other and report back before the humans speak, appealed to 27% of respondents. Forty-three percent found it unappealing.

Still, the mood is cautiously positive. Thirty-nine percent agreed AI tools could make dating more comfortable and trustworthy, while 25% disagreed. Only 6% think AI will eventually be able to do everything in dating. The things respondents most often said it could never do were judging chemistry (37%) and knowing whether someone can be trusted (35%).

“The barriers this report identifies are fundamentally human: fear of rejection, lack of confidence and a desire for authenticity,” Jaime Garcia Iglesias, a chancellor’s fellow at the University of Edinburgh, said in the report.

The American picture

Match’s U.S. research did not include AI findings in its public release, but it points to a similar appetite for authenticity. Its 15th annual Singles in America study, released in September with Kinsey Institute researchers, surveyed about 5,000 U.S. singles. When asked to choose, they favored peace and emotional safety over passion and excitement by 34% to 14%, and women by 40% to 9%. Forty-nine percent said they had fallen for someone they were not initially attracted to.

Both studies were funded by Match, which sells dating apps. Neither reports results for the Washington area.

The Inquisitor is seeking comment from Match Group, Feeld, Hinge, Bumble and the Kinsey Institute.